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Annie Torr: Brutal Honesty & a Side of French Fries

ANNIE This is a sensitive subject for me as I’m sure it is for many women and even men out there. I grew up in a Christian home and was affirmed from a young age that I was a beautiful girl. I never really struggled with body image until one trip to California. I went to visit some family friends and at the young of 10 I saw 2 beautiful college girls talk about how mad they were that their thighs touch when they stand up.

From then on my eyes were opened to thigh gaps (or lack there of), muffin tops, arm flaps, and back fat. I was kind of a chubby kid growing up and it took a while to grow into my skin. My insecurities really began to form in junior high and high school when I realized the boys I liked, liked my friends and not me. Never having had a boyfriend still to this day has continued to grow some of those underlying insecurities. “Am I not good enough?”, “Am I not beautiful enough?” “Am I not thin enough?” It is so unfortunate that these are the lies that so easily are fed into our thoughts.

Going off to college opened my eyes to a world I never knew before; a world of eating disorders. I began my freshman year at a college in Costa Mesa, California. I had always thought eating disorders were something that celebrities and famous people dealt with. Little did I know, it was everywhere I looked. The closer I got to the girls I was living with, the more I found out about the lies that consumed their mind constantly. When going to lunch I came back with a full plate (if not multiple plates) of food. For those of you that know me, I love food, especially French fries. They are kind of my weakness. My friends however, would put about 7 pieces of lettuce, vegetables, and a sprinkle of olive oil in a bowl and call that a meal. I have battled thoughts of not eating/throwing up but I can’t do it. The Lord blessed me (yes I say blessed) with some health problems in high school that restrict me from even being able to do those things.

Physical insecurities are the devil’s playground. He loves to toy with our hearts in thinking we are anything but beautiful daughters of Christ. My journey with my insecurities has not been easy and it’s unfortunately not over. I wish I could write here on this blog proudly and say I am completely and wholly confident in the woman God made me!......But I am struggling. With God’s grace and mercy I am working daily toward this. We have all heard Psalm 139:14, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well”, but do we believe? Truly, deeply, in our souls believe this? It says I know this FULL WELL. I pray that if we don’t right now, that we learn to know this full and completely.

I could probably talk a lot more about this but for now I will stop. If you ever want to talk more about my story or about yours I would love to listen. I believe strongly in this movement. God is the ultimate creator. Who are we to say His creations are wrong, ugly, and flawed? . I hope as a community we can begin to accept our flaws as beautiful.

You are loved. You are valued. You are beautiful.

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Abbi Leathers: Insecurity for real

 Abbi Leathers

Insecurity: The oh-so-lovely gift from SATAN to pretty much the entire population of girls on this planet Earth (and boys too I guess, equal opportunity and stuff).

Okay but for real.. insecurity is totally straight from Satan. Want to hear about my never-ending battle with the nasty crap? (Sure Abbi, I’d love to!) Alright, sweet. Let’s just back it right on up to THE WORST YEAR OF ANYONE’S LIFE EVER: That’s right, you guessed it, sixth grade. Can I get an “amen”?! You know, that’s the year when you returned to school after summer break in your cool new jean skirt and leggings, and half the boys were still smaller than you and the other half grew about ten feet, started talking with that bass down low, and sprouted massive amounts of armpit hair that they insisted on showing off every chance they could with their jank, homemade cutoff t-shirts. You with me? Yeah, well that’s the same year when I learned all I didn’t want to know about pimples. I was only twelve years old when I went to my mom and demanded to learn about the wonderful world of makeup. I was in my last year of elementary school, and my dependence upon hiding my face had already begun.  And let me tell you, I got to be pretty good at it.

So basically, that continued all through the awkward junior high years and right on through the high school ones too. I’ve always struggled with my complexion, and I’ve literally tried every remedy known to man. And despite the fact that I’ll be twenty years old in just a few short months, my face still acts like it belongs to that twelve year-old girl in the sixth grade.

Since all that began, I can honestly say I’m not even sure if there has been a day in my life that I’ve gone without makeup completely. Over the years I grew to be embarrassed of my face and did my very best to hide it. I cut my bangs and never pulled them back in an attempt to hide half my face, and when someone would try to make eye contact with me, I’d quickly look away. I was the epitome of insecure.

Like most girls, I’ve also battled with a lack of confidence in my weight, size, hair, voice and pretty much everything else about myself too. I know what it’s like to grow up in a culture consumed by commercials with undressed Victoria’s Secret models and an obsession with sex. And I definitely know what it’s like to want to be desired. Been there. Done that. Still fighting that battle.

But I can honestly tell you that when I realized that the Creator of this entire, amazing universe desires me and is relentlessly pursuing me, well that’s when my perspective changed a little. As Christian men and women, we’re all for the idea that God is perfect in every way and Created the Earth and everything in it. But then we continue to hate ourselves and every feature we possess. But do you not realize that YOU were created by that perfect Creator? The Creator that makes no mistakes and does everything intentionally? The One who created the ocean and heartbeats, daisies and oxygen? Not only did He create those things, but he stepped back from it all in the end and said “Dang, that’s good,” (or something similar that.) THAT’S the God who created YOU. He made you on purpose. He made you for a reason. He makes no mistakes. And He’s your biggest fan. You are His most prized masterpiece.

Now do a brother a favor, and the next time you look in the mirror, try to see yourself the way your Creator sees you. Because He says you are beautiful, you are original, you were carefully made, and you are a masterpiece.

And maybe skip all the foundation. It’s actually kind of liberating once in a while.

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